Things that scare me

One of the items on my 30-before-30 list is to “be less afraid”. While I admit this goal sounds vague, I actually have a pretty good idea of what I mean (it was maybe just a wee-bit personal for the internet). But, personal-schmersonal I’m going to tell you all about it today!

Just like everyone else out there, I have a little voice in my head. And that little voice is forever telling me that I’m not good enough. Why try?, it says, when you’ll just fail? And I’m petrified of failure. Irrationally petrified of failure. So I usually don’t put myself out there. But you know what that means right? It means that I won’t have the chance to succeed.

Well, this month I did three things that I never would have done before. I applied for the creativeLIVE + Jasmine Star course, I applied for the Richmond food blogger position, and I prepared a couple of submissions to wedding blogs.

It may sound a little bit ridiculous, but I’m usually too afraid to apply for cool stuff. Sure, I think I’m pretty awesome, but there comes that little voice again, telling me that someone else is better, I shouldn’t waste my time, and it will hurt to much when I don’t get selected.

These two applications were extra hard because I really do think I’m perfect for, and have an honest-to-goodness shot at, both.

I almost pulled the plug on the Jasmine Star video. After hours of work perfecting the copy, when the time came to go out and film it, I almost balked. However, I included a video application for a creativeLIVE course on my 30-before-30 list, and knew that this was the perfect course to try out for. So, the hubs and I went out, found an awesome-sauce location, and started filming.

In the end, I’m super proud of my video!

Did you notice how in the video I said: “I’ve never submitted any of my clients beautiful weddings for publications, instead I keep listening to the little voice in my head that tells me I’m just not good enough”? Well, yesterday (after writing most of this post) I decided it was time. I prepared and pressed send on not one, but two submissions. And I’m working on a third. And while I hope they get selected, whether they do or don’t is beside the point right now. The point is I finally did it. I finally said, “you know what, I am good enough and my clients deserve it.” And every submission going forward will be just a little bit easier.

And guess what, I’m not done yet folks! I’m doing another scary thing this month. And this one is the scariest thing yet. This month, I’ve decided it’s time to start valuing myself. I’ve been doing discounted photography (often deeply discounted photography or free photography) for two and half years. I just put together my budget for this year and it became clear to me that this needs to stop. Otherwise, in two years, I’ll be crawling back to my office with my tail between my legs, having spent a fun couple of years growing a really expensive hobby. But it’s not a hobby, this is my business. So, no more relocation specials, no more huge discounts because I’m afraid you won’t hire me. My prices are my prices. I’m worth it. But quite honestly‚Ķ

I’m petrified.

16 Replies to “Things that scare me”

  1. Love this post Allison. I always try to remember the saying, whenever I feel myself choosing whether to do something scary or just back away from it, “this might not work… but what if it does?” Keep knocking on doors, because you’ll never know if you never try. Go get em! xo

  2. Allison, I can’t watch the video yet (our internet is insanely slow and we can never get videos to play), but I wanted to comment on everything else. First, you may know this already, but the Eleanor Roosevelt quote is one of my favorites and has guided quite a few choices over the years!

    Maybe my inner voice is the reason I’ve been kind of “stuck” professionally for the last 6 or so months. I had so many ideas last summer, and now I have no clue what to do next.

    Kick butt, and do one thing every day that scares you.

    1. I did actually know you love that quote! I was trying to work in a shout out, but couldn’t make it flow. So here is a somewhat awkward, delayed shout out: go visit Heather’s blog, she’s awesome!

      You want a bit of unsolicited advice? I think you should write a list of all the things you kind of sort of want to do. Then put them in order. Then start doing the thing on the top of the list. Even if it maybe doesn’t fit with where you think your life is going. Location-based wedding photography business when we want to be location independent? It sounds ridiculous, but it’s actually pretty amazing. We get a home-base. And friends. And a regular life. And adventure. And we’re making it work.


  3. Way to go girl! Loved reading this post — it really resonated with me! I too struggle with that little voice of doubt, something which I continue to work on and battle. I look forward to more discussions over wine one days soon… :)

    1. Thanks! I can’t believe how soon we’ll be battling our little voices over wine. And maybe running. My old injury is totally not flaring up anymore, so I’m starting to think June might be do-able. And the “good” little voice in my head is telling me I should think about the Kelowna marathon as a way to celebrate my b-day… We shall see :)

  4. Oh, Allison….thank you for this post! :) My little voice of doubt has been louder than normal lately. It’s got me feeling a bit down and a bit deterred. Seeing how you too have such self doubts, yet are working to push through them & truly test yourself is very inspiring. And makes me feel less alone. It’s funny…I think you are so talented….yet you have self doubt. Could you imagine what we could accomplish without these doubts? I think you are well on your way to finding out! Hugs! Keep up the great work sweetie!

    1. Thanks for this awesome comment, it seriously made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside :)

      And thanks for the link love shout out, too, girl!

  5. You are so cute in your video! And congrats on raising your prices and sticking to them. One of my best friends is a wedding photographer (Kyle Hepp), and I’ve seen how scary it is to raise prices and worry no one will ever hire you again…but I’ve also seen clients respect higher prices and business boom as a result. I’m sure that the latter will happen for you soon!

    1. Thanks Emily, I kind of feel like such a doofus in my video. I prefer being behind the camera to in front :)

      I love hearing that other people struggle with it to. I follow Kyle’s blog – she’s one of my very very favourite photographers – and I remember her posting about pricing and losing clients to cheaper prices. But there comes my little voice saying “I’m not NEARLY as good as Kyle – this tactic will NEVER work for me”. Gotta love a healthy does of self-doubt on a Saturday morning, hey?!

  6. Loved your post. Funny I have that same little voice inside.
    I watch almost all the CreativeLive courses and have learned so much.
    Hope to see you at the one you applied for. Have you heard?
    Is that the next one coming up??
    All the best.
    ( I am Foxleigh neighbours with Jon’s folks. )

    1. Unfortunately, I didn’t make the cut to go to the CreativeLive course next weekend. That being said, I got wonderful news today: I made the short list on the Richmond 365 Days of Dining Competition! They chose 12 finalists out of 1,500 applicants. I can’t really believe this is happening!

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